the letter that I would never send

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Hey. Yes, it’s me. You might be wondering why am I writing to you or whatever but I just want to, or maybe I need to. I’ve been seeing you for as long as I can remember but I never had the chance nor the guts to ever try to talk to you or start a small conversation or something. It’s not that I’m shy or anything close to that, it’s just that I don’t want to waste your time and my time talking about nonsense and trying to figure out where small talks could lead us. Maybe I’m scared that I would annoy you, but that’s not the main reason. Not at all. So here, I just wrote this letter for you. Well, it would be great if you’d take some time reading the next few sentences. Alright here we go.

So why did I wrote this letter. Okay, please don’t assume that this, this shit is a love letter because it’s not. You won’t see any “oh goodness you’re so amazing please be mine”. No, not that kind. This letter, is created to let you know that I’m amused by your existence. Well, basically I’m amused by everyone else’s existence and stories. But about this amusement, I want to know you better. I find you interesting. I find you fascinating. I find the little things that you do strange yet still cute. This letter was to let you know that not everyone sees you the way you think they see you. That you’re worth more than that, we’re more than all the judgments and words that they throw at us. Most of all, I find you original. 

But then I realized, all these things – these things that I’ve said and wrote, they’re not really you, instead they’re me. It’s not how you show yourself but how I see you – how I want to see you. I see you as this and that, but really, I know nothing. I don’t know what you’re doing when you’re staying late at night. I don’t know the reasons behind your smiles, if they’re real or not. And I think I was being unfair, all these times I was. I judged you before I even knew you. 

No words. When I finally summed up all these ideas, no words.

But I’m hoping, that soon I would be able to write about you. How you sleep, laugh, smile, cry and what are your favorite books and how much you love pizza. I want to. And I hope that I would be given the chance to know you better, so that next time, I would have the words, the real ones, to at least define your amusing existence. 

 

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